Defining Hospitality

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Dan Ryan: today's guest is an entrepreneur. Uh, speaker a moderator and business development expert and a world traveler. She's a leadership wellbeing and energy coach. She's the founder of life by design academy, Natalya Berdikyan.. Welcome to Natalya thank you for having me. Thank you for having me.
Thank you for agreeing to be here and giving us your time. And I think that's a great transition because oftentimes I hear that the most valuable. Asset anyone has. And the most precious asset is time, [00:01:00] but I've been thinking about that since I've gotten to know you and okay, I agree with that. But also if you don't have the energy to use your time in the best possible, most impactful way or how or intentional way, what does time really matter?
So tell us about what being an energy coach is all about.
Natalya Berdikyan: That's a wonderful introduction into that. It's exactly that it's not about managing time. It's about managing energy. And so the question is what is energy to you?
Dan Ryan: Oh, well, that's a great question. So the question for me on what is energy to me, it's okay.
We all have life coming at us full steam ahead. We're all assaulted by every kind of input, whether it's a walk in the woods, the work in front of us, our family, um, everything is coming at us. All we can do really is focus on one thing at a time. I think that people who say that they can multitask, I don't really believe them.
I think really we can do one thing at a time. [00:02:00] So it's really getting to the place where as personal energy, when I decided to focus on something intentionally, how do I make sure that my reservoir is full enough to deal with that in a impactful and resonant way?
Natalya Berdikyan: You've got that. And that the intentionality part, that's part of the type of energy that is actually constructive and like a building force, it works like a building force versus the reactive kind of state.
It's more disruptor at the end and it's draining as well. But, uh,
Dan Ryan: and it's, it's interesting. And, um, I, I meant to cut you off right there because you said something that struck me, right. It's. There's this idea of being proactive or intentional and then reactive. And we all go through moments. I believe of being proactive, intentional, [00:03:00] but there are times when I just find myself totally reactive life is just coming at me full steam ahead.
And when I'm in those reactive modes, it's exhausting. So how do we actually, before we let's package that one up right there. And then what I want to ask you is because this is about hospitality and making others feel comfortable. How does. Tie into that. And how do you define hospitality? And then I want to pull the pull on that thread.
Oh, there
Natalya Berdikyan: are two questions right there.
Dan Ryan: How do you define hospitality?
Natalya Berdikyan: Define hospitality or someone that, like you said, traveled around the world and stayed in all sorts of places. And we are all being served one way or another which gets me to that definition. of Feeling comfortable being supported, being heard and being understood, [00:04:00] whether it is at the hotel or the restaurant at the hospital, at the airport, at the airplane, it's making people feel comfortable.
And then we have a beautiful phrase of, feeling home away from home. That's great. What if you're on the way and. Feeling in the space of comfort and of being like you're not being stressed and frustrated that you're on the way somewhere. I would also define as the hospitality part, if yeah. So
Dan Ryan: seeing
Natalya Berdikyan: the service.
Dan Ryan: Correct. So, okay. So when it, so I'm hearing in this exploration of what hospitality means to everyone, The surprising thing to me is, okay, it's how you make people feel and making others feel comfortable and serving others. But it's really also this idea of [00:05:00] truly being empathetic and tapping into what the person you're serving, what their needs are.
And I was hoping you could walk us through some ways that. We're how, how can someone who is really trying to anticipate someone else's needs open up their energy or con or fill their energy reservoir so that they can do that because often if you're always focusing on others, it's also rather depleting as well.
So how can we manage that to make sure that others are having an impactful time?
Natalya Berdikyan: Yeah, well, it goes both ways. Cause you know, energy attracts like energy and whatever energy you come with to the person that you're talking to or people you talking to, or pick up your phone or write an email or have a zoom conversation, the [00:06:00] energy that one has comes across and it's either contagious in the positive way or it's disruptive and toxic.
Dan Ryan: Okay. So walk us through a place where you sense, let's say you're walking into a restaurant or a hotel. You sense it getting toxic because there's all this stuff that's happening right now, where people are just being nasty to their servers and mean, and unkind. How can someone walking into that where you sense the tipping happen?
How can we marshal our energy or what's, what are some good ways to Marshall or energy and just kind of stabilize?
Natalya Berdikyan: Right? Well, there are several tips and tricks when you notice a different type of medicine. I mean, what can you do? You cannot change a person you can positively possibly influence, but it [00:07:00] comes, it starts with your own energy.
And I it's understandable if someone is coming at you at that reception or at the restaurant and is being mean and rude and wants to complain to your manager because X, Y, Z, that natural reaction. Would be defensiveness at the feeling of either feeling offended and withdrawal and feeling helpless or getting frustrated and being defensive and start blaming others.
So either take the blame will start blaming others, whether the other is the person that's coming at you or not, or someone else behind the counter. So, and I'm explaining the different energy levels, right? So basically what happens is having the mindset and it comes with awareness and practice having the mindset of not taking it personally.
So it is [00:08:00] wanted or taking it personally because it's never about you. As we know, if someone is pissing us off, it tells us more about it tells us more about the other person, then it's a mirror. So never take anything personally. And you mentioned the empathy part. So yeah. How much time do you really have for the awareness of what's going on for that person?
Because if it's not about me, something has been going on with that person, whether you want to get very deep and there's no time for mentoring and coaching that person, the moment you just need to serve the person. Right. But if you come from the position of, I understand you. Or start to want to understand you.
I understand you. I want to help you let's find a win-win solution. Your energy is resonating at a higher level. You're coming across in a [00:09:00] different way than if you start being offended and being defensive because when we feel offended or defensive, our energy lowers. The way we come across changes. And then what we start saying, you know, that reactive mode, et cetera, et cetera, our actions then are very different than if we come from the level of, you know, I understand you, that's where you get out.
Now, the question is, how do you understand and what, what do you need to do to understand where that person's coming from? If you have
Dan Ryan: the two, I get that. And a lot of that has to do with awareness. So. Most of the time and it takes a lot of practice. If I feel myself getting defensive or sometimes I don't notice, I'm just, I'm just going through life and, and, and I react a certain way.
Um, but how in your experience, can you teach this kind of more self-awareness for other people [00:10:00] who are running restaurants or hotels?
Natalya Berdikyan: I think it's, it's such and I worked in the, in the restaurants. I think I went through three different restaurants all at the same time while finishing my study in Amsterdam.
So I know the restaurant business and it is stuck and you gotta love it. I mean, it's, it's, it's your life basically. And you constantly with a car public or, you know, their face to the public, right. They can never be at that day. Well, you know, at least you shouldn't be showing it to your customers. And so what I learned, but that came with time and trying to manage energy versus everything else is things like the awareness.
You need to be aware about yourself, where you are, and also the other person and the environment. And it can take a split second. [00:11:00] At all. And what helps me a lot is the breathing. You saying reactive, we should be responsible, responsive responsibility. Responsibility is the ability to respond. And in order to respond responsibly, we need to process it.
So in order to give us time to process it, breathing is the best thing to do. Because it actually gives us the, the ability to think more clearly connect to our intuition connect to, to the senses, see the other person feel the other person. And it's that it's elevating that energy, that resonance, instead of being in the defensive mode and thinking about yourself, There is no ego.
That's another thing. Do the, the tips, right? So not taking anything personally, [00:12:00] not having the Eagle in it. It's not about me. It's not about my needs. It's not like someone is going to kill me and take my house and all the money. So there is no need to be defensive, no judgment. No judgment about myself. If, if there's something I did wrong, because I know in the moment I always do the best I can.
And I know the next time they'll do it better and no judgment about the person. So being very neutral and not have emotions attached to it. And at times we don't have the time for all of that processing, but it's with practice and the self care part. So you mentioned the rightly, so it is extremely exhausting, extremely draining and extremely frustrating at times.
To be of service and support to others, to [00:13:00] constantly be there for the other people. And so that is depleting and it is draining. And so people tap into the sense of feeling overwhelmed or feeling frustrated. So in order to have the balance, the self-care is very important. Also the self-love and the self-compassion.
Because if your glass is not full, or if you don't have the mask on yourself, how can you support the other, right. Hence those things that, and it's individual, everybody thinks that make me feel more balanced, whether it is before I go to work, you know, meditation, swimming, yoga would have you breathing.
And I, what I'm talking about, small things you can do, like mindfulness exercises and behind reception, or about to take the plates, some kind of mindfulness thingies, um, [00:14:00] shoes on as calling it pick you ups. Kind of like mindfulness exercise and that last one minute to five minutes, you know, you can use your senses, you can touch something.
You can look at something further in hand and look and notice the textures and the tones of the colors and everything, or listen far away or close. So you are moving your attention away from what you're experiencing here. That takes your emotion to the escalated level. And you becoming more neutral and also more present.
They said that the
Dan Ryan: Natalya, um, tell me speaking about just being understood and heard. I know you've said that a lot. Um, Tell me about a time when you've walked into a situation, it was a bit chaotic, but someone was able to cut through all of the chatter and make you feel understood and [00:15:00] heard.
Natalya Berdikyan: If I could recall situations when you were explaining that I could see a room full of people on chaos actually, and summit someone coming at me, seeing me connecting to me, it's like nothing else exists. And this ability to pause. And ask and hear what, what is going on with me, what's happening with me?
What are my needs and how can that person support? That's it.
And it doesn't have to take much, you know, it's all about that connection.
Dan Ryan: As we learn about energy and maintaining energy and keeping our reservoirs full and all of the self care that's necessary. It kind of falls into this bucket of [00:16:00] wellness. And one of the big trends I'm seeing right now in hospitality is wellness. How do you see wellness tying into hospitality in the future?
Natalya Berdikyan: A lot, a lot, considering that, you know, restaurants is all about health, hopefully pleasure of course, and indulgence, but there's definitely a big trend of healthy eating and being very conscious and aware of our bodies and what we indulge. That's too long. More and more. So I think there is this trend of echo hotels, and you know, when you'll have a far right next to the hotel and all the foods that is being served and meat is actually produced at that local farm next to the hotel, I stayed at one here in nearby Barcelona.
Beautiful. Um, [00:17:00] when, and it's not only, it's grateful mindset of marketing, but actually as a consumer, as a, as a customer, you really understand that it's healthier, it's better. So one would choose a place that serves well. If people are into health and wellness and want to live longer and feel more energy will choose a place that serves good food, nutritious, healthy.
And that is that point about. And self care and feel comfortable and welcome there's people more likely to come.
Dan Ryan: And when you start working with a new client, how do you make them feel?
Natalya Berdikyan: I think I would have to repeat the same thing. I said when you're in the middle of the crazy crowd [00:18:00] and there are so many things going on, taking the pause and connecting and really understanding what is going on for that person.
Dan Ryan: And.
Natalya Berdikyan: Magic. I don't know. We just three to give you all my secrets, but I think there is a lot of acknowledging and validating, and that is something that people off service and hospitality can definitely do practice, acknowledging and validating that person, because we just want to be heard and think that we're located.
It's normal to feel the way we feel.
Dan Ryan: How did you, how did you find your way into this energy management and energy coaching? What do you mean? Like, how did you find your calling in this? When did you know? [00:19:00]
Natalya Berdikyan: Oh, several years ago I was running a chocolate factory in Belgium, which I absolutely. I loved what I did.
And I woke the people to this product is beautiful. And at some point I just felt completely drained. Now that emotional and spiritual exhaustion feel like it's just either too much, or it's not your thing. And it's not aligned with who I wasn't aligned with. I was deep inside that there is at the core of, you know, the essence of me, there's a lot to do with values and alignment and purpose and the meaning in life and all that stuff.
But that lack of energy and what people would call a burnout, they just didn't want to call it a burning. Cause I loved that. I didn't have to, you have a burnout if you love what you do. [00:20:00] Right. But. At that point, I knew something had to change because it looked really all good. It just didn't feel right.
And when you don't know what to do, it's moved to change food. And I went undergone the agitation, went to the coaching Institute bypass by a Bruce Schneider who developed energy leadership methodology. And it has quite a bit. Aspect of spirituality and not in a religious sense, but in the sense of being connected and in spirit with yourself, that, what is it the core of your thoughts, emotions, and actions.
What is actually behind that energy that you're exhibiting? Because you can have. Disruptive thoughts that needs to negative feelings and therefore it makes you do what we do on not wanting to do [00:21:00] something and being reactive and being disruptive. And then the results are different. So hence what I was talking about, what we found with a different energy to your customers.
The results are directly proportional to the kind of energy incumbents, and also the way you experience it in the process is different. And it can be as simple as changing your thoughts if one knows how to do it, but in reality, there's so much more behind it. And that's what we do. We look really at what is behind what is happening and what isn't the core of the.
Thoughts or limiting beliefs or the feelings that people have, and therefore what companies come with. The thing like when, why people don't perform or whatever, but no one is really understanding what's happening with that person. You just look at the [00:22:00] results that we're not human doings, we're human beings.
And that's the same with the jobs contract connect to customers.
Dan Ryan: It's interesting because you know, I hear, I heard you say that, you know, oh, I really love what I do. I love it. I love it. I love it. But then there's this burnout on the other side and I've heard so many people say, oh, if you do what you love, you'll never work.
You never get burnt out. So how did you come to the realization that you love what you did, but you were burning.
Natalya Berdikyan: I think now that I know with energy leadership stuff as well, is that I became destructive for myself and others. It's like, and that's where in energy leadership, we talk about two types of energy. The one that is disruptive and the one that is constructive and needing. So the destructive one, the [00:23:00] sense of.
Colleen or fighting is two of those energies, that feeling of competitiveness. And I have to do it and I have to prove it and I have to make it work, not push myself up, push the others, et cetera, et cetera thing is it's not sustainable. So when you're in that state for too long, basically what happens is the body produces the horrible.
The catabolic hormones like adrenaline and cortisol. So what happens is that the body believes it's of the stress. So the hormones are there to push through the stress. But what happens is if it's too long, you become drained and you also physically start feeling sick. Hence the depressions, the burnouts, and the sicknesses and all.
So it's all good to run marathons. The question is, how long can you do it when there's an Ironman? You know, then it's 52 [00:24:00] days in 50 states triathlons, and then you one needs to recover for a very long time after same thing with, you know, hitting deadlines and being under pressure for too long. You exhausted by the end, it's mentally also affecting people.
Stop concentrating and
Dan Ryan: more. So I think this is a really timely conversation to Italia because especially in hospitality where we're all serving, we're all giving, giving, giving, and hospitality yes. In our industry. But also everyone is giving and receiving hospitality at any moment. But in our industry specifically, We're giving from our energy stores to others and hearing, and that's draining.
Then we have so many people have left Hoff hospitality, and there's been such a reduction in headcount, but the work has kind of stayed the same. So. If you think about this on a mass scale, um, I feel like we're at a really pivotal juncture [00:25:00] because people aren't wanting to come back into here. Um, so for the people that are there and that are struggling, what advice can you give them?
Natalya Berdikyan: The people that are owning hospitality, businesses
Dan Ryan: or anyone who's delivering hospitality.
Natalya Berdikyan: That's a good question.
And then I end related to the question you asked before about if you're passionate about what you do, how can you get through it out? I would think, and I know what to give advice in here. We can brainstorm a lot, but having, having the care plus. For the people that work with you, that balancing part, then working together collectively, you know, connecting to people's geniuses, passions, and talents.
To come up with solutions and support each other as a team and as a group, because it [00:26:00] is a teamwork. I mean, I remember working in restaurants and the fun part was working with the other person. That's how I met my husband, picks husband, uh, the Spanish in the central restaurant, of course. So, and it was amazing working with the person and, and that's that coherence and synergy that.
You could con create working together. So if hospitality organizations can create that atmosphere where not only the clients feel comfortable and protected and supported and served and understood and heard, but also the people that are working with you for that common goal to nurture, nurture them and give them that.
Dan Ryan: So from your not advice, but just from the experience [00:27:00] of seeing what that could look like, what that possible outcome could look like. Um, what's the best experience of hospitality you've ever received?
Natalya Berdikyan: The question I would say I'm I keep on thinking, seeing like, And effortless hospitality where it's not that your face, but it's supportive and just enough. And so, and I think that you really need the people that can feel others and not just going, you know, like bulldog.
Dan Ryan: Where was that like, where give me a time.
Like, it could be a small moment, a big moment. Like w where was, uh, a place that you experienced that? [00:28:00]
Natalya Berdikyan: Um, it's hard to say. I think there are few restaurants that are, when people are just checking in and seamlessly taking your plate and asking when necessary. What else would you lie? But without it being too much, I am.
Somehow when you ask the question of the IRA, call that trip to South Africa, to Swaziland audible places where we had monkeys to me, they cakes in the morning because there were no doors or windows, things like an old. Strange situation. And I have the scorpion in my shower, but I'm speaking of scorpion, the lady did come to pick up the scorpion.
It was still alive. And she's like, don't worry. It's not the one that, that kills ya. Um, but they were just not always there at your face. [00:29:00] So it's just enough and just the right thing. And for that one really needs to connect and understand and feel the other goes back to that empathy. And,
Dan Ryan: and with all of the travels that you do, because I feel like you're always somewhere, you're always somewhere else.
Right. You're you're always moving. It's like where in the world is, is Natalia. Um, How do you make yourself feel comfortable when you're on, when you're constantly on the move?
Natalya Berdikyan: Well, one thing is I have my stuff in five different countries. So if I have something that I identify with with me, I only feel comfortable.
And, um, for me, I think that the keys good, bad, and the good pillow. I think this is grease to thing
Dan Ryan: because that's the ultimate restoration is when you're turned off. [00:30:00]
Natalya Berdikyan: Yeah. And then the T, but if they say it's different for everybody,
Dan Ryan: right. And then, um, if you think about where we are right now and where you are right now, um, what's keeping you up at night.
Natalya Berdikyan: My dog got them all. Once I grabbed this three months old puffy, but, um,
I would think how can I support and help as many people in their organizations as I can to live and work in the way that is of less struggle in that. And still feel that sense of fulfillment and wellbeing and achieve what they want. I mean, you can have the cake and eat it too.
Dan Ryan: And then [00:31:00] going with that theme of, of helping as many people and impacting as many people as you can, um, what's exciting you most about the future?
Natalya Berdikyan: And if you're working with energy leadership, you know, that we are creator of our experiences as much as they can be uncertainty and whatever stuff around, we are creating our experience and the future is today. So whatever we do and how we come across effects. What we do. So our thoughts affect our feelings and the, that our behaviors and actions and therefore results.
And if we, if the thoughts of disturbing that we need to do something by the belief system and those fears and all the assumptions and all these things that are just keeping us all that luggage. And you asked about travel, [00:32:00] I like to travel with these lovely. And it's the same with the baggage that comes from the past and all this stuff that is in our head weighing is down.
Dan Ryan: as you are helping create the future. Um, and you think about the organizations and the people, like how are you doing it?
Natalya Berdikyan: Raising their awareness and consciousness. We think the principle part is the awareness. I mean, we'd go back to your initial question. How can you make people feel more comfortable and how can you be less exhausted? I get Dahlia. If I would have been more aware at the time. What drains me? Yes. I was passionate about what I did, but they were all the other symptoms I wasn't picking up because we stop listening to our body and buddy never lies and that's the self [00:33:00] care is important.
Dan Ryan: And then if you were to think about, um,
Natalia, Just about to finish college. Right. You're I dunno, you're 18 to 20 or, you know, you're, you're trying to decide where you want to go in life. Um, where are you right then? And there, like where were you at that point in your life?
Natalya Berdikyan: You
Dan Ryan: were an Amsterdam. So knowing, seeing how you went through burnout, found energy leadership and, um, kind of found this new passion and impact for others.
Um, if you could go back to that 18 or 20, 20 year old Natalia and Amsterdam, what would you tell yourself?
Natalya Berdikyan: I would say don't worry. It's going to be okay.
Dan Ryan: And how would that 18 or 20 year old Natalia take down information,
Natalya Berdikyan: ah, be as rebellious as hell. But, uh, and the thing that's the thing [00:34:00] is that we have to go through, have to then have to do anything, but it is a journey and there is no good or bad energy, you know, it's all sort of Supreme purpose. The question is how do we use it?
With purpose intentionally are not, but all the experiences I had and it seemed like I lived so many different lives apart of so many different countries and industries and whatnot. But all of that served a purpose to be where I am now. And I don't think I will change a thing because it made me who I am now and all that experience I can sort of take through me and share it back.
Dan Ryan: And then from your chocolate tiering business, what's your favorite kind of.
Natalya Berdikyan: I have a lot. I love the dark actually, when I went to Columbia to the, to the plantations, I really liked the raw bean. I don't know if you've ever tried next to the
Dan Ryan: raw bean. [00:35:00]
Natalya Berdikyan: Exactly. It's uh, it's, it's strong, but this for me is the best.
So if I were to choose, I'd say a 90, a hundred percent. Dark chocolate. Does you actually taste the chocolate rather than the sugar? Because everything else is pure sugar. And that's what I mean. We were producing 80% super item. I mean, okay. Was chocolate coated and sugar, but in the milk chocolate, you have sugar and then you have the Schumer.
In addition, it's just great to watch this and stuff.
Dan Ryan: And thinking about, I want to go back to just creating our future and all, and trying to impact as many people that have as much energy as possible to do that. What are the means by which you're teaching people, how to tap into this?
Natalya Berdikyan: Well, we take, we do energy leadership index assessment that I have, and we go into a very deep [00:36:00] journey of understanding where the energy or cautiousness or perception mindset is at when everything is good, because we behave very differently and feel differently when everything's great on a good day and the same.
What is our state? And distress. And we tapped to tend to tap into the low energy statement. The question is, why do we get there? And we really, you know, uh, reveal, peel the onion. So, and I walked people through the methodology so they can use it for themselves and for their businesses and their families afterwards.
Introduction into understanding where they are at and what is affecting and influencing the energy, what is blocking them and how to move forward to their most optimal states and create the life they want. And they experienced, they want because whatever [00:37:00] we experience comes across. So it's not only about ourselves.
It's also about. And it's sort of searching weight's back. So everything energy attracts like energy and everything's energy at the end. So, you know, physics engineering talked a lot about it. Not we'll do science.
Dan Ryan: And then, uh, Natalia, if people wanted to connect with you or how do they feel.
Natalya Berdikyan: Are, you will provide my first and last name, right. And tiny bit to 10. Oh
Dan Ryan: yeah. It'll all the all that'll be in the show notes, but just give us a little rundown. Now, as far as the say,
Natalya Berdikyan: elected Instagram, Facebook, you name it the same name.
So it's easy to find. And then. Www that light by design high from the academy.com. You can sign up to connect, to receive inspirations about energy and more. And there's lots of resources on the website that free and happy to talk to anyone further on the sector.
Dan Ryan: [00:38:00] Wonderful. Um, so Natalia, I just want to say thank you so much for being here and talking to us about energy and, you know, time is important and valuable, but I think how we March into time with our energy is more important
Natalya Berdikyan: at this high energy state time is an illusion, so we can bring the future to you.
And the other way around, if that's how you want to experience.
Dan Ryan: I love that. And I think we all can learn so much from that. Um, especially as we are. Making others feel comfortable. So I just want to say thank you to you. I want to say thank you to our listeners. And if you're intrigued by this idea of replenishing and marshaling your energy in the most effective way, please reach out to Natalia.
And also if you've learned something different about yourself or thought differently about hospitality, please share the podcast with someone else. And I just want to say thank you to everyone, and we will see you next time.
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